O.J. Simpson Released From Jail; Nation Shudders in Fear

OJ Simpson can finally resume his search for the real killer.The Nevada Department of Corrections released the former football player and likely double murderer just after midnight on Sunday....
mere minutes after he was eligible to be paroled. Officials reportedly decided to do so in order to avoid media attention and scrutiny.

The ex-running back, who was somehow found NOT guilty of killing his ex-wife and her rumored boyfriend back in 1994, had been behind bars for nine years after getting convicted on armed robbery charges.

Simpson entered a Las Vegas hotel room in 2007, armed with weapons, and demanded that a nemesis return pieces of memorabilia The Juice alleged had been stolen from him.

After being found guilty of this crime, Simpson was ordered to serve a maximum sentence off 33 years.

But he was granted parole in July due to good behavior.

"The Nevada Department of Corrections, in an effort to ensure public safety and reduce the potential for incident, released Orenthal James Simpson #1027820, on October 1, 2017, at 12:08 AM from Lovelock Correctional Center," read a message posted on the jail's Facebook page early Sunday.

It included the following photo of Simpson in a waiting room, signing paperwork, along with a video depicting him leaving the facility. An unidentified acquaintance picked Simpson up from the prison.

Said a spokesperson for the Nevada Department of Corrections this morning:

"I told him, 'Don't come back,' and he responded, 'I don't intend to.' He was upbeat, personable and seemed happy to get on with his life."

Questions now abound over just what the disgraced human being will actually do with his life.

Is he actually plotting some kind of revenge against Kim Kardashian because he heard comments she made about her belief that he really did kill Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman?

Will he run for President of the United States, considering the success narcissistic 70-year olds with a lot charisma apparently have of earning that job?

Will he be signed by an NFL team before Colin Kaepernick?

Will he just sit back and laugh at the world while playing endless rounds of golf?

Will he write a book? At his parole hearing in July, Simpson had said he wants to "spend as much time as I can with my children and my friends."

His lawyer, Malcolm LaVergne, told Good Morning America last week that his client yearns to enjoy "the very simple pleasures" of life, including eating seafood and steak and getting a new iPhone.

Because if anyone has earned some rest and relaxation, it's OJ Simpson.

No word yet from Khloe Kardashian, meanwhile.

But we'll let you know when she comments on the fact that her real father is finally a free man once again.