“I am crying while I am typing this email to you. I really searched for someone online to help me with my decisions. I told a friend about this, but I need more advice.
I am a Christian girl, 21 of age, who has lustful struggles, since I was 15 years old. And yes, you guessed it. I mastur-bate. But when I started doing it, I was not yet aware of its sinful results.
That’s why I continued doing it until I was aware of it as a
lustful sin. When I became aware of it, I was struggling to stop that’s
why I asked God to give me someone that I could tell about this. I
became very close with a Christian guy, especially when we organized a
youth camp together. We work together and we got to know each other
better; he then told me that he considered me in his prayers to be his
lifetime partner. He also told me that before anything else he wants me
to get him to know better so that he will know if I would still fall in
love with him despite of every flaws he had. And then he told me that he
committed s*xual immorality on his ex-girlfriend before, and he is
having struggles in lust too.
We both accepted each other and fell in love. We’re not in an
official relationship, but we are acting as one. My mom knows about it
that we’re both going out as friends. Later on… he became weak in his
struggles and wanted to have s*x with me. He’s always asking about it,
for me to give in but I won’t because I really wanted this struggle we
have to stop. So I kept saying NO. Every time I said NO, but he will
become cold for some time because he really wants me to give in.
Actually I wanted to but I focused on the after effects, and I have a
goal. To not give up my virginity until marriage even though I have this
struggle. But yes, I would like to be honest… we had phone s*x and
after we satisfy our feelings, there comes a great conviction and
burden. I really love him, yes, I really do but I don’t know if this is
the right thing. I always pray to God, asking what is the purpose of
this relationship and I got answers like: “I want you both to overcome
your struggles together.” I don’t know if it is really God talking or my
mind making up the answers because I don’t want to leave him.
And just tonight…my dad talked to me about him, and my dad doesn’t
like him. I am really torn and hurt. I don’t know, is this a sign that
we are not really meant for each other? Please help me. We both are
praying for God’s will to be revealed about our relationship.
Reply by Male counselor… HE SAID:
I’m sorry for the (all too common) difficulty you are having but am so encouraged you would be strong enough to admit your shortcomings and reach out for help.
There is so much pressure these days, not only on young people, but also on everyone at any age to “follow along” or else seem “weird.” So much for acceptance. Our society’s acceptability perspective has moved the “line of s*xuality” over the past couple of decades, to where s*x before marriage is just as common as kissing was many years ago.
In any s*xual-related struggle, I think you’ll find a collective agreement that it must be worked on with a same s*x accountability partner or counselor. With both of you struggling in the same way, along with dating each other, chances are it won’t end well.
If your friend is honestly praying for your healing and cares about what’s best for you, he wouldn’t be pressuring you to give in to having s*x. It would be like an alcoholic offering a recovering alcoholic a drink. Put in that perspective, how do you view your friend’s motive now?
I’m sorry for the (all too common) difficulty you are having but am so encouraged you would be strong enough to admit your shortcomings and reach out for help.
There is so much pressure these days, not only on young people, but also on everyone at any age to “follow along” or else seem “weird.” So much for acceptance. Our society’s acceptability perspective has moved the “line of s*xuality” over the past couple of decades, to where s*x before marriage is just as common as kissing was many years ago.
In any s*xual-related struggle, I think you’ll find a collective agreement that it must be worked on with a same s*x accountability partner or counselor. With both of you struggling in the same way, along with dating each other, chances are it won’t end well.
If your friend is honestly praying for your healing and cares about what’s best for you, he wouldn’t be pressuring you to give in to having s*x. It would be like an alcoholic offering a recovering alcoholic a drink. Put in that perspective, how do you view your friend’s motive now?
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