After a few cycles of bad dates and dead-end relationships, I started to think, "Oh my goodness, I'm going to be alone forever....
There must me something wrong with me!" Then of course, years went by, I slapped some sense into myself, and I found a great partner, but I also realized how widespread this fear is.
Everyone I know is either trying to find someone, forget someone, or deal with someone. The desire for loving attachment is one of the most basic, enduring, and natural human needs. A lot of people out there feel like they will never find love. They have a nagging feeling that maybe they are "doomed" to be alone forever, or maybe they are too "flawed" to be loved—and that, my friends, is a very painful thing to feel.
I want you to believe you are a worthy person. I want you to believe that you deserve to be loved and to find a romantic partner that will cherish you. Get rid of the fear of being forever single, because it is just that: a fear, an emotion that you have about yourself, a belief about your future—not reality.
Here are 10 ways to help you see things the way they really are:
1. Stop Criticizing Yourself
Take an honest look at how often you put yourself down during an average day. How often do you criticize yourself by telling yourself things like: I'm so stupid. I'm too fat. I'm too old. I'm ugly. I'm damaged goods. I always screw things up. I'm an idiot. And so on and so forth. Rings a bell? Well if you talk to yourself in this way, your mood will drop, your fears and insecurities will increase, and you are basically conditioning yourself to believe you are an unworthy person. Your thoughts have a direct impact on how you feel.It's simple.
Think good things: feel good. Think bad things: feel bad.
You are doing this to yourself! Stop it! Be gentle with yourself. Maybe someone else made you believe you were unworthy through criticism, abuse, or rejection. Don't give your power away just because some fool criticized you. Honey, you're the bomb! Who was this fool, anyway? Forgive yourself for making mistakes. When the voice of negative self-talk comes on, try this: Tell the voice to leave you alone; tell your inner voice to stop pestering you; say to yourself: I'm a worthy person. It's a no brainer, hot-stuff: if you keep focusing on your perceived shortcomings, you'll trick yourself into believing no one will ever want to be with you.
2. Feel Good About Yourself
This cannot be said enough. Imagine you walked into a car dealership and the salesman told you he had a car for you. He says, "Well, it's kinda old and beat up. It still runs, but it's high on gas, there's a few scratches on the paint, and I'm not sure how reliable it is." Now, how much would you want to buy that car? You'd be out of there in a New York second and looking for something better in no time, I'm quite sure. Why? Because if the person selling you the car doesn't even believe in the quality of the car, why should you?This is exactly why you need to increase your confidence and self-esteem. If you don't believe in what you are selling, then why should others? Confidence is attractive. If you believe you have something valuable to offer, so will others. The more you truly love yourself, the more convinced you'll be that you will find your soul mate.
3. Realize You Have Something Valuable to Offer
What are some of your great qualities? Are you an honest, hard-working, sensitive person? Are you an athletic, artistic, family-oriented individual? Are a relaxed, easy-going person, or an organized, efficient person? Not only can you find someone who shares the same interests and qualities that you hold, but you can also complement (not complete with!) your future partner by bringing in your own strengths to the relationship. Basically, don't think only about what you want from a relationship, but think about what you bring to a relationship and how someone will be happy to benefit from your great qualities.4. Change the Way You Think and Feel About the Opposite Sex
So many individuals hold false beliefs about the opposite sex. Because you've had bad experiences, your way to appraise the opposite sex has changed.What are the beliefs you hold about the opposite sex? Do you think things like:
- All men are jerks.
- Men only want sex.
- Men fear relationships.
- Men can't be faithful.
- All women are gold diggers.
- All women are emotional explosions.
- All the good ones are taken.
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