But if you overlook the day-to-day joys of being a unit, you’re missing out on tons of opportunities to be the happiest you can be. Irina Firstein, L.C.S.W., a Manhattan-based couples therapist, gave us the inside scoop on making each day—not just your anniversary—a time to celebrate each other.
Behold, your weekly grocery list, if you will, of deliciously productive to-do’s together.
There’s
something inherently gratifying about giving and receiving affection.
It may or may not lead to sex, and either is fine. Just don’t plan it.
“Many couples are too busy to touch or feel that if they do it will lead
them to sex. And if they don’t have time to get physical, they don't
touch,” Firstein says. “This is a huge mistake. Touching is part of
broad-based eroticism and does not have to be goal oriented, but rather a
playful act between partners.”
When you leave in the morning, don’t just
yell “Goodbye!” and bolt out the door. “Stop what you are doing when
your partner leaves or returns and look at them, greet them, and give
each other an embrace—the kind where you relax your bodies into one
another's. This promotes and strengthens feelings of affection and
connection. It makes the other feel loved and important,” Firstein says.
They’ll be thinking about that hug when you’re apart all day, unable to
wait for similar treatment upon their return.
The ultimate bond-builder? Netflix and
chilling—minus the Netflix. Spend at least an hour a week hanging out
with your S.O. sans the buzz of notifications and alerts from your
devices by putting them on airplane mode.“You need to be present,
available and accessible to your partner,” Firstein says. Without any
distractions, you’ll be able to sit, talk, and enjoy each other.
Reach peak happiness levels by introducing each other to your favorite workouts (you love strength training,
he digs yoga). It's an organic way to gain valuable insight into each
other's lives and get fit in the process. There's truth to the saying
that couples who sweat together stay together: Research from the Journal of Personal Psychology suggests that engaging in a novel activity together, as opposed to walking the dog or reading in bed, breeds heightened relationship satisfaction. (Dance your way fit together with High-Intensity Dance Cardio, the first-ever socanomics DVD!)
Many couples get in the habit of staying up
late watching TV while the other goes to bed early. But by synching your
schedules, you'll create an element of closeness. The act of kissing
goodnight in bed is very intimate (isn't pillow talk the best?). Even if it’s not possible, it’s something to strive for once a week, says Firstein.
It sounds simple, but laughing is the key to couple satisfaction. Research from
the University of Kansas found the more times a woman laughed at a
man’s jokes, the more likely she became romantically invested. But the
pressure isn’t on him to perform standup: The real indicator of relationship success
is when both parties laughed together. Start by watching a funny
YouTube video or attending a comedy show together. Forging inside jokes
you can laugh about down the road breeds closeness, and it'll make
strangers wonder your secret to couple bliss.
When you’re not digitally detoxing, use your
devices to your romantic benefit. Many couples get in the habit of only
emailing or texting mundane questions throughout the day like "Need
anything at the grocery store?" or "Who's picking up the kids after
school?" Once a week, surprise your partner with a spontaneous, loving
email. It doesn't have to be overtly sexual if that's not who you are.
As long as it’s genuine and shows you're thinking about them. “I like
the idea of surprising texts or surprises in general,” says Firstein.
“Routine and familiarity kill romance. Newness and surprise are what
make things exciting.” She’s also a proponent of surprise gifts and
flowers, but unless your budget allows for it, real love shouldn’t have
to cost a thing.
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